


Hi-diddle-dee-dee

by sdwolfpup



Category: Z Nation (TV)
Genre: Gen, Puppets, no nutritional value
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 01:45:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17377199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sdwolfpup/pseuds/sdwolfpup
Summary: A puppeteer's life for me.**********“I am NOT afraid of puppets. I've just seen a lot of crazy juju in the apocalypse and what if these belong to some insane mass murderer that we just piss off?” Murphy asked.“Nonconsensual puppetry is surely a sign of an unstable mind,” Doc agreed.





	Hi-diddle-dee-dee

“Well this is weird,” Addy said.

The group stood in a line: 10k, Doc, Addy, George, Warren, and Murphy. In front of them were a line of puppets that looked like a creepy fun-house mirror reflection of themselves.

Warren looked at Murphy. “Did you have someone make us all into puppets?”

“Why the hell would I do that?!”

“Because you’re creepy,” 10k said matter-of-factly.

“Listen, Stubs-“

Warren cut him off with a an elbow to the chest. “If it wasn’t you then who was it? This is your place.”

They’d reunited in Limbo after the vote, and Murphy had immediately taken them to a downstairs room where the puppets were waiting.

“They were here when I came back. My blends found them while we were gone.”

“Why didn’t they throw them away?” George whispered, her eyes wide with horror.

Murphy shrugged. “It didn’t seem...prudent.”

“He thinks they’re cursed,” Wesson said from behind them, and 10k laughed.

“Murphy is afraid of puppets!”

“I am NOT afraid of puppets. I've just seen a lot of crazy juju in the apocalypse and what if these belong to some insane mass murderer that we just piss off?”

“Nonconsensual puppetry is surely a sign of an unstable mind,” Doc agreed.

Warren took a step towards them and Murphy grabbed her arm. “What are you doing?”

“Just gonna take a closer look.”

“Don't touch them. What if they're,” his fingers tightened on her arm, “trapped or something?”

He had a point. “I promise I won't touch them,” she said, and he let her go. Warren walked near hers, stared at its felt face and long black puppet hair. If it hadn't been so disconcerting, it would have been funny. She made a cute puppet. 

She crouched down and examined the stand it was on, a simple piece of wood from what she could tell, disappearing into the hole up the puppet's back that someone could use to operate it. Warren examined each puppet in turn while the others shifted and talked quietly behind her. 

“Look at his shoes,” Addy said, when Warren examined the Murphy puppet. “They're just like yours.”

10k's puppet had the antler attachment. Doc's puppet had a tiny rolled up felt joint attached to one of its four fingered hands. George's puppet was wearing her black jacket, not her white one, which at least let Warren known these were made before the vote. 

“These seem normal,” Warren said, finishing her examination.

“Exact puppet replicas of people are _not_ normal,” Murphy muttered. 

“We don't know if they're exact. I could see if yours has bite marks.”

Murphy's red skin paled. “I don't want to know.”

Warren turned to Wesson. “None of the blends saw anything?” she asked him. 

“No ma'am.”

“Don't call me ma'am,” she said, ignoring Addy's smirk. “Who found them?”

“I did, ma-iss. I stayed here to watch Limbo while the others went to vote. I came down here to grab some alcohol to re-stock the bar and found them.”

“When was the last time anyone was down here?”

Wesson shrugged. “I don't know. I was down here two days ago, but someone else could have come down before then.”

Warren nodded. “Murphy, talk to your blends and see if any of them-”

“They haven't,” he said. 

“And how do you know that?”

“Because I just asked them.” He tapped his head. 

“Okay then,” she said. “So sometime in the past two days, someone put these here. Has Limbo been open?”

“No,” Wesson said. “We've been closed since Mr. Murphy came back with the bakers and more talkers.” 

“This is weird,” Addy said again. 

“Not as weird as you'd think,” a familiar but muffled voice said, making them all jump. 

“Did the puppets just talk?” George asked, and Warren worried she was going to have a heart attack if she didn't calm down. 

“No,” Warren said, gripping the young woman's shoulder and shaking it gently. “It came from behind the puppets, and whoever it is better come out into the light right now before I shoot first and ask questions later.” 

The shadowed area behind the puppets was still, and then there were some scrapes, a high-pitched yelp, a low curse, and Sketchy and Skeezy came tumbling out of the darkness at their feet, followed by a puff of dust. 

“Ta-dah,” Sketchy said smiling up at her. 

“Should have known,” Doc said. 

“Why are you hiding in my basement?” Murphy demanded, and Sketchy looked hurt. 

“We are refugees, cast adrift with neither home nor protection. We heard about all the great work the Big Red One was doing to save the talkers and we thought surely – surely! - there was room at the inn for two down on their luck ex-barbers?”

“Whatever happened with that?” Doc asked, holding out a hand and helping Skeezy up. 

“Not a lot of call for barbers in the apocalypse,” Skeezy said sadly. “Who knew?”

Addy helped Sketchy up. “Pretty much everyone knew that,” she said. 

“Addidale,” he said, bowing slightly. “A pleasure to see you as always. Though I guess you're only seeing half of me now, aren't you?”

“A half too many,” she said, glaring, and Sketchy laughed nervously and turned to the others. 

“Fine to see all of you looking hale and healthy!” he said loudly, clapping 10k on the shoulder, shaking Doc's hand. “Fine indeed. And Ms Georgia St. Claire, what an absolute honor.” He took her hand and kissed the top of it while she stared dumbfounded. 

“Who are you exactly?” 

“Who are we?” Sketchy straightened, tugged on the dirty jacket he was wearing. “Why ma'am we are but humble travelers hoping to become citizens of your great nation. Newmerica,” he said like it was a prayer, waving his hand in a long, slow arc. 

“Cut the crap,” Murphy said. “Why are you here? And why are _those_ here with you?”

“We're entertainers,” Skeezy piped in, all excitement and elbows. “Check this out.” He picked up the Murphy puppet and put it on his hand. 

“I am the Murphy,” he said in what was in no way a good impersonation of Murphy's voice. It sounded...British? Warren shook her head and tried to hide her smile. “I have come to save you, but I lost my pants!” And he ripped off the puppet pants to reveal white boxers decorated with cartoon zombies underneath. The puppet covered itself with its hands and the felt mouth went wide in shock. 

10k laughed uproariously. 

“That one is always a hit with the kids,” Skeezy said, grinning. 

Murphy growled and Warren put a hand on his arm to hold him still. “So you're puppeteers,” she said, barely choking back her own laughter. “Why are you hiding in Limbo?”

“Not everyone appreciates a good imitation,” Sketchy said. “Some, in fact, don't take too kindly to puppets being made of themselves without permission and then whole plays being enacted based on certain character traits that someone may not be entirely proud of. And some may be so offended that they would go after certain innocent, well-meaning entertainers just trying to make a living in this crazy zombie world.”

“Who'd you piss off?” Doc asked. 

“Not anyone important, really, and it wasn't intentional.”

“Plus we didn't know they were with Zona,” Skeezy piped in, and the whole room groaned. 

“Today's secret word, huh?” Sketchy said. 

Warren ignored the younger set's confusion over that reference and glared at the con men. “You're hiding here from Zona? What are you thinking, bringing them here?”

“We're not hiding from Zona, exactly. We're just...” Sketchy gestured aimlessly. “Resting...underground.”

“Ugh.” Warren gestured at the puppets. “Are these what they're after?”

“No. Well, probably. They got our other puppets, our Zona ones, as we were escaping. These were the only ones we could save.”

“I had to spend a week re-sewing George's little jacket,” Skeezy said. 

“Tragic,” Murphy said blandly. “Even Zona isn't stupid enough to chase you guys for a dumb puppet show. What's the story here?”

“The story?” Sketchy scoffed, and Warren knew whatever they'd done, it was going to be bad. Fortunately, she knew Skeezy would cut through the bullshit and tell them what they wanted, so she turned to the skinny man and stared at him, watching him start fidgeting, look away, swallow hard and look back at her, go pale, and then suddenly blurt out “WE STOLE THEIR SECRET PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION.”

Sketchy held his arms out wide. “Surprise!”

**********

They dragged the men and the puppets back upstairs to the empty main room, sat them down, and got drinks for everyone. Warren wasn't going to listen to this without alcohol.

“Is it Final Mercy?” George was asking urgently now, while Murphy poured out a round of shots and Addy served them around. She clinked George's shot glass with her own. 

“Yeah, that sounds right,” Sketchy said, downing his drink quickly. “Whoo,” he gasped. “That's rough stuff there Murph.”

“You can call me Mr. Murphy,” he said. “And any more than that you have to pay for.” 

10k was keeping watch at the window. “What's Final Mercy?” he asked. 

“Something we found when we were at Hackerville,” Warren said. “But we couldn't get into the file long enough to figure out what exactly it meant, or how to stop it.” 

“Good thing we came along then,” Sketchy said. “Because we have all of that.”

“Let's have it then,” George said.

“Oh we wrote it down,” Sketchy said. “Tucked it away somewhere safe, so's we wouldn't lose it. And we would be more than obliged to give it to you if you could just help us find a home to rest our weary feet.”

“Are you bargaining with doomsday plans?” George gaped.

“Sounds about right,” Doc said, overlapped by Skeezy's “yes” and Murphy's “Typical.”

“Or,” Warren said, leaning down and placing one hand on the table in front of Sketchy. She put her face inches from his. “You could just tell us, and we'll consider it an exchange for not charging you for putting on shows using us as puppets.” 

Sketchy swallowed. “No can do, beautiful. Zona's gonna kill us if they find us. We need protection. Guaranteed protection.”

“Aw come on,” Doc said. “They're idiots but they're our idiots. Sort of.”

“I don't want them!” Murphy said. 

“I'll take them to Pacifica and find a place for them. They'll be safe there,” George said. 

Warren shook her head but stood up. “I guess you got your deal, then.”

“Excellent!” Sketchy clapped his hands. “Georgina, I will trust you are a woman of your word. Vernon, give them the papers.” Sketchy leaned back in his chair and waved at Murphy behind the counter. “And another of your finest, good sir.” Murphy ignored him. 

Skeezy stood up and unzipped his pants. 

“Woah, woah woah,” Warren said. “What are you doing?”

“Oh the papers are in my pants.” He felt around, a lot. 

“Ew, man, not in front of everybody,” Doc said. 

Skeezy glared. “I'm not feelin' myself up, Doc. I can't find the papers. Are you sure it was my turn to carry them, Sketch?”

Sketchy stood up and unzipped his pants and felt around in his underwear. “It's Tuesday, ain't it? You carry them on Tuesdays!”

“How do I know what the hell day it is? I was in charge of the puppets, I can't remember the papers, too!”

“The papers are the part that matter!”

“I worked really hard on those puppets!!”

“Shut up!” Warren shouted. “Do you have the papers or not?”

They two men, standing in their underwear, glared at each other and said “no” together. 

Warren dropped her chin to her chest. 

“Well, time to kick them out,” Murphy said. 

“Zona will find us and they will torture and then murder us!”

“Or murder and then torture us!” Skeezy added. 

“Exactly! Who knows! No one, because Zona is terrible. Don't send us back out there, man.” 

One of Murphy's blends appeared in the doorway. “See these two out,” Murphy said. 

“Wait! What if we write down what we remember? It could help!” Sketchy pleaded, tugging his pants up while the man stalked towards him. “I've got a mind like a steel trap. Can remember everything I've ever seen. And Vernon, why, he's a genius at piecing together puzzles. I bet if we worked together on whatever you found, with what we know, we could still help you.” 

“Murphy,” Warren said. 

The blend looked at Murphy for confirmation, and Murphy exhaled in disgust. “Fine, leave them be.” He pointed at Warren. “But the puppets go, too.” 

“He's totally scared,” 10k said from the window.

**********

The group left Limbo and headed for Pacifica in a van Murphy had available.

“I still don't get why puppets, though,” Doc was saying from the back of the van while Warren drove. 

“I've always wanted to be a puppeteer,” Skeezy said. 

“I thought you always wanted to be a barber?”

“I had a lot of dreams growing up,” he said defensively. “Besides, neither one of us can sing or dance worth a damn.”

“Speak for yourself, Vernon. I have a lovely voice.” Warren glanced in the rearview mirror, saw Sketchy leaning against the window, already half-asleep. 

“You sure do, buddy,” Skeezy said. Warren glanced over at Skeezy, who was staring in adoration at his partner. She hoped Sketchy wasn't stringing his poor friend along. That boy had it bad. 

She glanced at Murphy, who was watching her. “What?”

“Nothing. Just trying to figure out why you believe these two knuckleheads are going to help anything at all.”

“I don't,” she said quietly. “There's no chance they'll give us anything useful. I warned George of that.” Warren glanced in the mirror again, saw Skeezy gesturing wildly while Addy, 10k, Doc, and George laughed. “But not a lot of people we know left from before...everything. They deserve the promise of safety as much as anyone.”

Murphy grunted, but leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. “If you say so.” 

“I do,” Warren said, and drove them towards Pacifica. 

She smiled to herself, imaging Murphy's face when he returned to Limbo later to find the puppets arranged artfully in his room.

**Author's Note:**

> On Tumblr I wondered how awesome it would be to have an episode of the characters seeing puppet versions of themselves and then this fic happened.


End file.
